Old Person's Response

There is so much to think about in your response. You begin with connection. I am assuming that your thought is that people really need and desire connection with other people. I will try to avoid getting into the issue of whether virtual connections can substitute for face-to-face, real life, risk taking relationships. This is a very real issue and my bias is pretty evident in that statement.

From the Christian perspective (stepping back from the perspective of the institutional church) it is clear in Scripture that Christians need, dare I say are commanded?, Instructed?, At least more than advised… Christians need to be connected to other Christians.


Just from observation, I think your generation places more value on family and community than my generation. Even those who have had some uncertain and painful times in their family experience have a deep sense of family loyalty and affection. My kids are so much closer to each other than I am with my siblings.

The question you raise is, is it possible to be connected to other Christians without radically changing who we are?

Without a doubt, churches need to be more accepting, more shockproof, and willing to love, accept, and engage the myriad of lifestyles that are encountered. Jesus was totally accepting of the "whatever" people whom he encountered. They loved being around him. He was strongly criticized for the company he kept. I'm not sure if you have been to the Lowell Nazarene church. My dad built the church. I went to high school in Lowell. During my ENC days, we were in the streets, in the bars, in the emergency rooms with kids we knew, OD'd on drugs. Many of these kids came to faith and not only formed a community together but were also loved and accepted by old time Nazarene "church" type people. At high risk of idealizing the "good old days", this is the way the church should be.

At the same time Jesus did not accept the lifestyle of those who are down and out in sin (the adulterous woman, the dishonest tax collector, Mary Magdalene etc.). He was more than confrontive with the up and outer lifestyle as well (Nicodemus, the rich young ruler etc.).

I do think we need to be more tolerant of lifestyles that may be different than ours. Love and acceptance, however, does not mean affirmation of lifestyles that are not Christian. The whole gospel message is that by the grace of God, through Christ, by the Holy Spirit in us we are "radically changed (in) who we are".

You may ask well who is to say what is Christian and what is not Christian? This is a trap that results in never knowing anything for sure. So whatever I do, whatever I feel like, if I mess up, it's okay because I'm always trying to figure out what is Christian and what is not Christian and the only one who can know that for me is "me".

For example if you go out and get drunk my response is going to be "what the crap are you doing?” (First response) "I mean what the heck are you doing?" (Second response) "I mean what in the world are you doing?" (Pastoral response). And if anyone tells me that I need to be accepting of drunkenness because I need to show God's grace; my response is "yeah right".

On the other hand the Christ response is to love, respect, and accept any drunk, "living in sin", homosexual, atheist, or "whatever" person that God sends my way. Being in Christian community means that I love you too much to let you off the hook for alcohol abuse. Being in Christian community also means that you give others permission to be involved in areas of your life that may need guidance and correction.

My generation thought the previous generation was totally clueless. And in many ways they were. But we had much to learn from those who had faced life-and-death, the total depravity of the Holocaust, and wanton unrestrained bloodshed. We needed to listen to them. But they had a whole lot to learn from us as well.

In our day, more than ever, the church needs to be a place to listen and learn from one another. This begins with leadership. If I were to advise you on church shopping, which is a very annoying process, I would advise looking for a pastor and leadership were not afraid to consider/respond to ideas different than their own.

Because we live in a "whatever" world, in a way, we need to be a little less sure of ourselves. We need to be not as doctrinaire. There will be fewer “decisions at the altar” and more patience in process toward God. We will need to be less defensive and more engaging. Not engaging in a gracious milquetoast kind of way but more engaging in that we as Christians engage our "whatever" world to consider the reality of God and a relationship with him through Christ. The way of Christ is not a "whatever way". It is a narrow way, a focused way, and a way of freedom.

I know how easy it is to become disillusioned with the church. It is Satan's greatest tool. It has been one of my biggest battles. Somehow I think though, that Christians must live in community; a community where generations listen and learn from one another, grow together, and help people outside of faith come to faith in God.

I will be praying that you find such a community; or maybe even form such a community. Maybe your call to ministry is to gather a few searching, seeking Christian and or non-Christian people to figure out, if you haven't quite already, if the "whatever" lifestyle is legitimate, adequate, and true. I am convinced it is none of these.

Kind of rambling thoughts but we love you and are praying for you.