Count Your Blessings - Chapter Three

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS – Chapter Three

Digger Phelps, is a well known, often controversial sports analyst. For many years, he was highly successful as the coach of Notre Dame basketball. Following coaching he was very active politically serving as part time ambassador and as director of President George H. W. Bush’s anti-drug program. His autobiography, “The Son of an Undertaker”, is set in the neighboring small town of Beacon, NY.

He tells the story of his mother, well known as Maggie all around town. She was apparently quite a lively personality and involved in every aspect of the community. Digger’s brother Francis was handsome, popular and a star basketball player on the high school team. It was assumed he would continue his success at the college level.

As a senior in high school, however, he contracted a freak infection from, of all things, a blood blister and died suddenly, a few days before Christmas. It was a tragedy for the family and for the community. From that year on, in response to this crushing loss, there would be no Christmas celebration in the Phelps household. Every year in a community filled with hope, joy and Christmas cheer … the Phelps household was an island of mourning and despair. The darkness of sorrow and loss were window shades, shutting out the light of hope and peace. The blessings of, “for God so loved the world he sent his one and only son”, were all around them but they were unable to see them.

When life shakes us up, it is easy to be overwhelmed with the intensity and stress that permeates every moment, thought, and plan. The path of least resistance is always there … to be so focused on the trial that we lose sight of the blessings. A quarter, when held close to one eye with the other eye closed, will totally block off sight. As we move the quarter to arms length, however, away from ourselves, we are then able to see the entire environment around us. The quarter (trial) is still very much in focus, but along with the trial are the blessings of life … the light of day … the beauty of creation … the presence of those who love and support us. When life shakes us up, the pain and discomfort so strongly wrench our attention away from the blessings that we lose sight of them all together. The truth is, there is much more to reality than the present problem. The blessings are just as real … perhaps even more real.

When the struggle and strain of life becomes overwhelming, that is the time to make a decision to not only face the facts … accept the feelings … but to count our blessings as well. Let’s look at our Israeli general again.

Battle Plan from the General

Joshua needed to face the facts; Moses was dead. He needed to accept the feelings; he was terrified and discouraged. The general needed as well to count his blessings. The voice of God comes to Joshua with great promise and blessing:

I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates--all the Hittite country--to the Great Sea on the west. No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:3-5

Joshua faced an insurmountable challenge but that wasn=t all ... the blessings of God were still both visible and available. There would be bloodshed, sorrow and loss. The battles would be brutal. The victories would come at great cost. There would be rebellion among the people. But all of this did not change the reality of God’s blessings. In the midst of all the turmoil ... there was more than trial and trauma. God was still the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The promise for victory and the divine pledge that Joshua would never be alone had not changed. It is important/indispensible to count the blessings of life.

Personal

The words used to describing PD are rather ominous. Among them are devastating, debilitating, progressive, and incurable. More and more, I have been able to do less and less. I spent 10 to 12 hours with a clinical psychologist trying to figure out what in the world was happening with my brain. There were tests for reading comprehension, vocabulary, numerical sequence, name the presidents backwards (getting stuck at Bush Sr.). There were the arithmetic word problems that literally confirmed I was not as smart as a 5th grader. The good news is that I still scored in the 95th percentile in some of the academic areas. The not as good news is that I scored from 37th down to 10th percentile in short term memory, multitasking, facial recognition and problem solving type tests. It was not exactly a pretty picture.

The official diagnosis was progressive parkinsonian dementia. ( NB: Any significant repetition in this book is because I can’t quite remember what I wrote) That D word stood out on the psychological report like a neon light. And in case there was any illusion of returning to ministry the final note in the report was a recommendation that “Rev. Ardrey not work at all”. It was enough to make me feel sorry for myself … which occasionally was/is my response.

I was indeed devastated by the physical, emotional, and cognitive losses of PD. I had always done the family finances. As hard as I tried I couldn’t avoid the costly over draft late bill type errors. Giving up the role of taking charge in that area came with a big gulp of swallowed pride.

I didn’t like watching others do “my” work in “my” church. Our church gained a new understanding of the “every member a minister” program. How blessed we have been with a secretary, administrator, youth pastor, finance committee, building committee and many others who did so much of the pastoral work during the time I struggled with an impending resignation and retirement.

Important things were left un-done … things I would have, could have, and should have done. The families moving into 800 new homes built so close to our church were not welcomed into the community. The Living Nativity, a long held tradition in the community didn’t quite happen. People in the church were so faithful but so much happened that was reactive and the sense of moving forward in a pro-active manner was lacking. I was called to be a pastor … specifically with this group of people in this setting. The need for effusive praise or validation was never high on my list of needs. But “I don’t matter” kinds of feelings began to intrude upon my life. I wasn’t “the” pastor any more. I wasn’t consulted. It was, pass in the keys to the church car then get on with life.

“Facing the Facts” and “Accepting the Feelings” are important, indispensible, decisions … but they are dangerous. When dealing with disaster spawns an unhealthy attitude of cynicism, which is fertile ground for a harvest of negativity and defeat. In “The Return of the Prodigal Son”, Henry Nouwen wrote:

Cynics seek darkness wherever they go. They point always to approaching dangers, impure motives, and hidden schemes. They call trust … naïve, care … romance, and forgiveness … sentimental. They sneer at enthusiasm, ridicule spiritual favor, and despise charismatic behavior. They consider themselves realists who see reality for what it truly is and who are not deceived by “escapist emotions.” But in belittling God’s joy, their darkness only calls forth more darkness.

It is important to ask ourselves, “What are we looking for?” If we look for despair we will find enough negativity to saturate our hearts and fill our lives with cynicism. If we look for the good around us, the blessings of God’s grace, we will find our lives full of grace and hope.

Adelina Domingues, was born in 1988 in the Cape Verde Islands to a devout Roman Catholic family. Adelina was also sincere and deeply committed to living a clean life and was very religious. As an 18 year old young bride she was secretly reading the Bible on a hillside close to home, when all on her own she came to personal faith in Christ and was filled with joy and enthusiasm in her new found faith. She had chosen the way of great struggle and opposition.

She emigrated to the U.S. with her husband in 1907 and he worked as a fisherman in New Bedford, Massachusetts. Immediately she began looking for a church in the city asking, where is a good church, people who enjoy their religion?” She was directed to a small Church of the Nazarene, on the corner of smith and Spruce street, where she immediately became a vital part of the mission there. The Portuguese Church of the Nazarene, later to become the International Church of the Nazarene, was established largely through her, prayer, witness, preaching, and evangelism. She was on fire for God.

In all this time there was great criticism . . . from the evangelical church for her fanaticism and persecution. There was vicious persecution from the old world Roman Catholic establishment in opposition to her proselytizing of the Catholic adherents. Her life was threatened, she was physically attacked, and she was ridiculed mercilessly. These were times of great pain and the temptation for discouragement was always there.

Adelina, known to me and my siblings as , Mrs. Domingues was one of the saints in the New Bedford church where my Dad was the pastor from 1960-1965. She was 75+ years old, even way back then. My Dad was an all out, working 80 hour a week, evangelistic pastor; Mrs. Domingues became his mentor. She understood the pain/joy of ministry and as my Dad faced the pain and perhaps criticism of minstry she would encourage him saying, “Brother Ardrey, with Jesus I have learned to smile through the tears”. In pain and persecution, she never lost sight of the joy. When there were those in the church who just couldn’t seem to keep strong in their faith she would smile and say, “Well, you know, some people just need to be carried into heaven.” She was able to see the blessing in the midst of even the most frustrating times.

Paul S. Dayhoff

The “on purpose” response of faith includes a decision to count the blessings of life.

Look Around

Theologically the first decision needs to be “Look Up” to acknowledge the reality of the infinite presence of God. When we are all wrapped up in the survival mode of crisis, however, it is difficult to calm down and enjoy the serenity of metaphysical reflection. Sometimes all we can do is look around for something, anything that brings a glimmer of hope and optimism.

Begin small. Enjoy the obvious blessings closest to us. We can enjoy the sunshine, be thankful for the air we breathe, appreciate the beauty of nature around us. Express your observations of blessing in terms of gratitude to God. This is then a faith decision. In other words the decision to be thankful reinforces our faith that God is, strengthens our faith in his goodness, and confirms the reality that he is indeed at work and “delights to give good gifts to his children”.

As we look around, the domain of blessing begins to expand. We begin to look beyond ourselves and the circumstances that threaten our very survival. Gratitude begins to grow into faith habit; even perhaps a more daunting D-word, discipline. Henry Nouwen speaks of the discipline of gratitude:

In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.

Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice. I can choose to be grateful even when my emotions and feelings are still steeped in hurt and resentment. The choice for gratitude rarely comes without some real effort. But each time I make it, the next choice is a little easier, a little freer, a little less self-conscious.

There is an Estonian proverb that says: “Who does not thank for a little will not thank for much.” Acts of gratitude make one grateful because, step by step, they reveal that all is grace. (The Return of the Prodigal Son, 80)

Pg. 69

Make a decision to thank God for the small blessings. The decision toward gratitude re-centers our prayers from a desperate “Oh God help me” prayers to “Oh God, thank you” prayers. The habit of gratitude transforms our time spent with God. We are no longer coming to him, submitting a list of complaints to the divine customer service department. We are rather learning to commune with a loving God who blesses us in our times of deepest need.

Look Upward

Those native to the northeast or northwest in the U.S. are familiar with long stretches of dreary, sunless skies. My family and I love the scenery of the northeast, dazzling in the fall … green and lush in the summer. We love the ocean, spending weeks at a time on the Cape Cod National Sea Shore. However, we also endure some long stretches of sunless days. In these periods of gloom there are times when the sky begins to brighten. Our heads instinctively turn upward in hope. When no on else can see a glimmer of light, my sunny optimistic wife will say, “it looks like the sun is coming out”. Then when the sun breaks through we all look up and bask in the warmth and hopefulness of sunlight.

The habit of gratitude turns our attention upward. Gratitude expressed is both therapeutic and life changing. The decision to look around taking inventory of our many blessings is a first step. The next step is to look up to God as the source of the benefits we have received. As we turn our attention toward a transcendent but personal God we are focused upon seeking after him, rather than seeking after his answers. Practicing gratitude as a discipline opens our minds and hearts to a God of goodness and grace.

Look Outward

National Geographic presented a documentary about the Hubbell telescope. The Hubbell telescope orbits around the earth probing far into the vast expanse of the universe. One striking image is that of a panorama of innumerable stars glittering on the screen in striking HD quality. Every one of those flickers of light was a galaxy. Every galaxy was composed of billions of stars. Every star had untold planets within its gravitational influence. It was totally mind boggling.

The broadcast attempted to unravel the theoretical existence of black holes throughout the cosmos. As I understand it, a black hole is the central remaining core of an exploded star. A burning star, just as the molecular structure of earthly matter, is mostly space. Upon implosion all the mass is reduced to a miniscule sub atomic dot. All this concentrated mass, turned inward, exerts so much gravitational force that even light is unable to escape.

I don’t get all that …but to me a star, totally turned inward and sucking the light out of the universe is an illustration. When cataclysmic unexpected events shake our lives with tragedy and trial, turning inward upon ourselves is the path of least resistance. When we focus on our problems … when we rehearse and relive the injustice … as DR. Stan Toler recently spoke about those who curse, nurse, and rehearse their misfortunes . . . when we wallow in the pool of pity … the light of hope, faith and love is extinguished from our perception.

The need to look out … to look outside ourselves … is a decision to interface with the world around us and the people in it. Looking outward is a natural result of looking upward. Looking up in gratitude to God will tend to spill over into the world around us. When shaken by life we can look outward to others for help and maybe more importantly for others to care

Even in pain and suffering it is possible to live a “grace-full” life and thus bring hope and faith into our world. The message of hope and grace can often be personally delivered more effectively in times of dis-ease than in times of ease. I never understood the paralysis of anxiety until my resources were stripped by disease and I experienced for myself what it felt like to be overwhelmed and speechless when life gets too complicated.

Responding to these struggles, frustrations, and limitations is a dangerous affair. The potential for implosion into the black hole of self absorption is real. The potential is also there to look outward to those who really needed to see that faith in a loving personal God is a practical, positive and possible decision. How can you tell I have preached my share of three point sermons many of which alliterated with the letter P?

Over the years, many have come to me with needs, fears, and concerns. My intention has always been to respond with care and compassion. I have tried to avoid a quick dismissive response and with God’s help my response has been mostly caring and transparent. A sympathetic response was fairly natural for me … at times; however, I struggled with the empathy. Sometimes I just didn’t “get it” how people were so crushed by seemingly minor concerns. I found myself empathizing with all my might but couldn’t help thinking; “What’s the big deal. Just deal with it!” Living with PD has brought new understanding and identification with those with limited emotional and physical resources. I began to recognize blessings that I would not have known apart from my diagnosis. A journal entry in the first year after the PD diagnosis:

February 2, 2001

Is it possible that I will be able to see God lead me into ministry and opportunities I never would have known without Parkinson’s? I would have been too busy to write ... too pressured to enjoy family and friends ... Too hurried to be used by God to shed tears with those sent my way as a divine appointment. Maybe touching fewer people with greater impact because of that all surpassing power in a slowing, sometimes stumbling, often mixed up ... God seeker pastor ... That is from God ... As the resurrection turned the tables on Satan’s worst. The power of God continues to turn the tables on the pain, tears, fear, and confusion of an evil disease ... That has opened the door to huge blessing. I have needed to rely on God’s divine grace and security in a way that I never had before..

Gratitude for the Suffering?

I am not often spiritual enough to thank God for my disease but by faith even the suffering itself can be a blessing from God. In The Hiding Place, (a book every Christian should read) Corrie Ten Boom tells of her imprisonment in Ravensbrook concentration camp in Nazi Germany. Her arrival was a time of horrific fear and disgust:

… our noses told us first that this place was filthy: somewhere plumbing had backed up, the bedding was soiled and rancid …we saw that there were no individual beds at all but great square piers stacked three high wedged side to side and end to end with only an occasional narrow aisle slicing through.

We followed our guide single file – the aisle was not wide enough for two – fighting back the claustrophobia of these platforms rising everywhere above us. At last she pointed to the second tier in the center of a large block. To reach it we had to stand on the bottom level, haul ourselves up, then crawl across three other straw covered platforms to reach the one that we would share with – how many ? The deck above us was too close to let us sit up. We lay back struggling against the nausea that swept over us from the reeking straw.

Suddenly I sat up, striking my head against the cross slats above. Something had pinched my leg.

“Fleas”, I cried. “Betsie (her sister), this place is swarming with them … how can we live in such a place.

Betsie began to pray … “Show us. Show us how”.

They read a verse from the Bible smuggled in past the guards … Give thanks in all circumstances. They began to thank God for every single thing about that place of total depravity. What a blessing that they were together, that the guards miraculously ignored the Bible that lifted their spirits, that there were so many women so closely packed to care for.

Betsie went on serenely, “thank you for the fleas” – “The fleas! This was too much … there is no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.”



In those unspeakable conditions, there was a nightly worship service where more and more women gathered for praise, prayer, and fellowship. The sisters would share the scripture in German and the message would be translated among the crowd into French, Russian, Polish, Czech and Dutch. The guards were a hostile presence every waking hour. But somehow, these precious worship times were never interrupted by the guards.

Sometime later there was a disagreement among the women and the guards were called to settle it. Strangely, the guards reused to enter their barracks. Then in suddenly struck them that they were afraid of the fleas! It turned out that the fleas were their greatest blessing. Without the fleas they would have been deprived of their greatest blessing and encouragement.

It is good advice and a wise strategy to look for the positive. When faced with the overwhelming and unexpected trauma it is important to face the facts and accept the feelings. But it is even more important to make an “on purpose” decision to:

… dwell on the positive and celebrate the blessings with gratitude.



So along the way we can count the blessings from God. The trials of life are real, but the promises of God are still sure. To really face all the facts we must count the blessings. Dealing with reality does not mean doom and gloom ... it includes recognizing the positive as well.

Michael J. Fox had it made. By the age of 19 he was the star of the popular family show Family Ties. The Back to the Future movies were blockbuster hits. He starred as well in the award winning sitcom Spin City. In 1980, he was diagnosed with PD at the age of 29.

Wealthy beyond that which most of us can imagine, he was beloved for his fun/likable characters in television and film. His life would certainly be the envy of many. To the contrary, in his book Lucky Man he speaks of his way of life as the Being-Famous-in-America-Fun House lifestyle. He writes that:

It should come as no surprise that fame – show biz fame anyway – is so disorienting … after all the theater … is a conspiracy of mutual deception. The performer pretends to be someone he is not, and the audience willingly suspends it’s disbelief.

In this world of 20 foot high screen characters, the actors a matinee idol and a part of the viewers family. “Everything is part of the show – the performer’s private life included. Within this topsy turvy fun house of wavy mirrors, Michael J. Fox describes a world of alcohol and drug abuse, excess, family stress, entitlement and surprisingly insecurity.

It was only as he received the worst news of his life … that he found his life. His diagnosis came at age 29! At 49 I was much too young, I thought, to have an old person’s disease. If PD was bad news for me (at times crossing the line into devastating) then the life sentence for a 29 year old would be more than devastating. He found, however, that as he became part the all out mission to cure Parkinson’s Disease … in giving to others … … in working for a cause ... he experienced joys he had never known. He found the kind of peace that was so illusive in the Being-Famous-in-America-Fun House scenario. He writes:

“If you were to rush into this room right and announce that you had struck a deal with God, Allah, Buddha, Christ, Krishna, Bill Gates, whomever – in which the ten years since my diagnosis could be magically taken away, traded in for ten more years as the person I was before, I would, without a moment’s hesitation, tell you to take a hike.

The ten years since my diagnosis have been the best ten years of my life, and I consider myself a lucky man”

He wouldn’t go back. Neither would I if I had to sell my soul to Bill Gates but if there were a legitimate way to live the last 10 years healthy … count me in. Michael J. Fox has come to a faith that would not quite fit into the conservative evangelical Christian milieu but his decision is a powerful example of a life-changing, “on purpose” decision to seek and find the blessings that are always present in the darkest times.

But whatever the ... situation we are people of hope. And as we count our blessings maybe we can lighten up a bit ... find some humor along the way. Often laughter is a positive alternative to despair. If we are to take life seriously we dare not take ourselves too seriously.

I don’t like the achy stiffness that is a grinding reality day. I don’t like the confusion when the medication wears off. There is an annoying woman who reminds me seven times a day to take my medicine; she resides in a micro chip in my pill box, as her voice persistently nags – time to take you pill – time to take your pill.

But you know, I tell myself that it’s not all bad. It’s not all bad, when I am looking out my window this past winter at 29 inches of snow in my driveway, and I look at my son just home from Kenya, with the unmistakable, wordless question in my eyes … You expect me to shovel snow? In my condition?

I always thought that the Pastor Emeritus position was a pretty cool deal … all the respect without the headaches. I didn’t, however, plan to apply for the position at such a young age. Shortly after going on disability, sure enough, with the new pastor’s arrival, I was installed as Pastor emeritus.

One evening, on a Wednesday family activity night, I was walking into the education building. As I made my way through the foyer, I heard a familiar, (dare I say demanding voice?) Pastor! Pastor! I turned my head immediately (because that’s what pastors do … having this messianic delusion of fixing anything and everything that may or may not fixing). I heard the voice, turned my head and there was a presumptuously persistent (dare I say petulant) parishioner chasing the new guy up the stairs. Again I said to myself … It’s not all bad. Counting my blessings was a bit easier that night compared to some others.

We are people of hope ... This life is not all there is ... We have an eternal. At the risk of understating the gravity of the reality of death … we can live with the ultimate hope … a principle to live by:

Cheer up someday you are going to die !



My friend John, was diagnosed with cancer of the eye a few years back. It was frightening news and as treatment was administered, we all thought that everything was OK. Within the year, however, the report was that the cancer was back, in his lymph nodes and even more ominously, in his liver. The doctors gave him 6-8 weeks to live.

John was with us for two more years. During those years he became a totally joy filled ambassador of the hope and joy of God’s grace. Everywhere he went he spoke of the peace and joy he had come to know in relationship with a personal God. Traveling alone on the train to Philadelphia for the painful treatments of a clinical trial; he would share with fellow passengers how real God was in his life. John would tell me, … “these have been the best years of my life”. And there is no way in the world I can really understand that. How does someone spend the best two years of his life dying? It has something to do with recognizing the blessings and living out a life of gratitude.



Robert Schuler wrote a book entitled “Tough Times Don’t Last but Tough People Do.” There is lots of good stuff in his book that strengthen resolve to toughen up, trust God, and deal with life. It is especially helpful when tough times don’t last. But what about when tough times do last? I sent the Tough Times book to an acquaintance a number of years ago … and the tough times didn’t last … they got worse. The financial pressure, taxes, family crises all brought increasing stress and strain. When the going gets tough … the tough get going. There are those times when we feel anything but tough. In those times, part of an “on purpose” faith response is count the blessings … focus on the positive and celebrate these blessings.

The premise of this book and the spiritual potential for all people of faith is that recognizing the blessings in the midst of the stress and strain and struggles of life is possible.

Years ago, a Canadian pastor’s wife shared a memory from her childhood. Apparently she grew up in great poverty in the Peace River country way up north west of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. She had been going to Sunday School and was so very sincere and enthusiastic in her growing faith. In her hunger, she would pray that God would supply the need for food each day. Her mother had died and as a she was under the care of an aunt who was more skeptic than believer. There came a point in time when they had nothing left but one can of tomato soup. As the can was opened, they were horrified to see a big green worm in the soup.

The skeptical aunt sat right down and wrote an irate letter to the soup company, demanding a refund. Not many days after a large delivery arrived a whole case of soups in various varieties from the company apologizing for their over sight. The little girl was thrilled to see how God had provided for them. Excitedly she told her aunt how God had answered her prayers. Unconvinced, the well meaning but faithless aunt replied, “That was not God; that was me. I wrote the letter. The company was merely responding to a customer complaint”. The faith-full child thought for a moment then responded “That may be true … but who put the worm in the soup?

Looking for the good… practicing gratitude as a discipline is a decision of faith. When we get bad news - when life is unfair - when it seems hopeless ... don’t stop living. Don’t lose sight of the blessings. Nothing will ever shake the foundation stones of faith: God is … God is good … God is at work. God still loves the world so much he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

So stuff happens ... but when it does...



Face the Facts ... Accept the Feelings ... Count Your Blessings

then

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