Accept the Feelings - Chapter Two

ACCEPT THE FEELINGS – Chapter Two


Praise the Lord !!

Old brother Demoranville was one of the saints of the church. I’m sure he had a first name but I never remember hearing it out loud. Whenever the church doors were open he would be there. Wednesday was prayer meeting night and as usual he was there. Prayer meeting was a time of singing, corporate prayer, as well as shared personal testimonies.

Brother Demonranville was a builder and apparently was building a shed in his back yard when he smashed his thumb with a hammer. He went into some detail describing his bruised, busted, bloody thumb and credited God’s grace for his saintly response. Jumping up and down in pain, holding his injured thumb, crying out Praise the Lord – Praise the Lord – Praise the Lord. I remember being duly impressed with such godliness and enjoyed the story greatly as well.

I have not nearly approached that level of sainthood. If I smash my thumb, I will be full of spiritual pride if I don’t say some of the words I shouldn’t. When life shakes you up, when bad news comes into your life, you will not feel good about the situation. And we shouldn’t feel good about bad news because, and I never use this expression but … DUH … bad news is BAD.

The Battle Plan

Look again at Joshua the warrior/now politician/priest/babysitter. God spoke to Joshua saying, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Why did God have to say to Joshua, this tough battle hardened veteran, don’t be terrified or discouraged? It had something to do with the fact that he felt terrified and discouraged ... he had to admit and accept the feelings. Joshua would have a deep sense of sorrow and loss. He was the general but Moses was the “commander in chief”, in an Israeli nomadic kind of way. As a military leader, Joshua understood that a soldier must keep his emotions under control in order to be effective. It was not routine for Joshua to face some new and difficult emotional challenges.

In the unexpected, painful, traumatic times of life the feelings of anger, fear, doubt, and despair can be overwhelming. The temptation is real to believe that because we are Christian … living by faith … trusting God … we should not have these kinds of feelings. The reality is that the emotions we would rather avoid are God’s gifts which draw us into a deeper understanding his grace-full working in our lives. In other words, we are able to experience more of God’s love and strength as we accept the help of his grace.

Accept the Feelings

The way of Christ is a way of great joy. There is within Christian circles, however, a combination of misconception and misrepresentation that produces a false appearance of joy, or at least linguistic and facial pleasantness. The misconception is that Christians never stop smiling. This distortion of reality is reinforced ... by the smiling Christians on television, the pastor who is always up every Sunday. (You should see the same pastor on Monday morning) and by the false application of scripture. So often Christians the burden of an unrealistic expectation that living their faith includes being strong and happy whatever life brings their way. The result is a façade that ensures that no one is allowed to see their broken heart. When there is death don=t deny the sorrow. When there's injustice don't pretend there is no anger. When you are weak don't pretend you are not discouraged. Be a real person.

The play acting happens on Sunday mornings in churches … a new act debuts each week. The marquee proclaims in lights: “I’m Ok … Your Ok … Don’t ask me any different”. Broken hearts are all camouflaged by “Sunday go to meeting clothes” and a hearty handshake. Christians are too busy to be real. Do we allow Christians in our fellowship to be sad? Do we allow them to go through times of fear without judging their spirituality? Perhaps a more personal questions is; do you allow yourself to be sad? Do you allow yourself to be fearful?

Accept the feelings. Feel the feelings. God gave you feelings to help identify areas of need in your life. If you Afeel@ tired, you need rest. If you Afeel@ sorrow, you need to mourn. If you Afeel@ lonely, you need a friend. Feelings are used of God as tools to bring healing and compassion. Henry Nouwen speaks of God’s working of grace in times of crisis:

Every time you experience the pain of rejection, absence, or death, you are faced with a choice. You can become bitter and decide not to love again, or you can stand straight in your pain and let the soil on which you stand become richer and more able to give life to new seeds. (The Voice of Inner Love, 59-60)

Nouwen speaks of a faith-choice … we can become bitter in our pain … or we can stand straight in our pain. Bitterness is a decision not to love again. Faith is a decision to stand strong, trusting God and allowing the soil of our pain, sorrow, and loss to give life to new seeds of grace and serenity. The admonition of scripture calls us to a decision of faith to stand strong draw on the resources of God .

10. Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.11. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13.Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Feelings denied, repressed, or ignored become psycho-spiritual toxins that saturate every aspect of life. Unrecognized feelings of pain and trauma have a devastating effect on our relationship with God, relationships with others, as well as our interpersonal integrity and serenity. Don=t pretend. Pretending isolates the real you from those who can help and care for you. Maintaining a facade takes great resources that are needed for facing life head on.

In the days, months and years following my diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease, I experienced feelings and emotions with an intensity I had never known before. It just wasn’t like me to be so overwhelmed on the emotional level. I was/am the strong silent type, which if truth be told is closer to denial than strength. As I look back on my journal I am reminded of the impact of hurt, pain and sorrow on the feeling level.

The following is a journal entry, as I faced the reality, that soon I would no longer be the pastor of a local congregation. From time to time I would be teased about my notebooks, lists and charts in church leadership and planning. I found the lists etc. helpful even if my flock was rather bemused with the strategy.







September 8, 2004



I'm looking through a notebook of my lists, charts, and my bright ideas. I am slowly letting them all go. It begins to feel like mourning, losing so much of what I love so deeply. I don't love the lists. I do love the lives and the people and the “calling” all those lists and flailing efforts in ministry represent. Everything I am draws me to immerse myself in the work of God and in his people. But the thing I love the most brings such confusion and weariness. I'm so sad to think about losing my people. They're not really my people, they are God's people, but they are so entwined with my heart, and I have grown to lean upon them in my time of need. Tears would help. It's like the sorrow is too deep for tears. Tears are not my gift.

It was crucial to accept the reality of the emotional impact of devastating news. At times Christians act as though they are above the feelings of fear, loneliness and despair. We are made in the image of God and even Jesus himself knew fear, anger, frustration, loneliness …

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book “On Death and Dying” contributed a helpful, now familiar to most, model as a template in understanding the emotions of those facing death or loss. The five stages of grief model:

Denial - A conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts which insulates a person from the impact of a traumatic experience,

Anger - Feelings of wanting to strike out at any responsible for personal pain. This can include people, circumstances, fate, God etc.

Bargaining - Attempts to make a deal with God or compromise to resolve a negative, hurtful, or unfair situation.

Depression - Feelings of sadness, regret, fear, uncertainty etc.

Acceptance - Finding a peace about the pain of life along with some understanding of how to face personal pain and difficulties.

It is not my purpose to delve too deeply into the sociology/psychology of Elisabeth Kubler Ross but her model is helpful to us. The Kubler-Ross model was never presented as a linear step by step method of coping but rather a framework for helping those facing the difficult realities of life and death. Her point was that there is no five step program for getting the mourning out of the way and check if off your list. When life hits you hard, it is likely that you would experience some, or all of these aspects of adjustments/feelings and understanding them is helpful.

It bears repeating, and I will repeat often, that the chapters of this book:

FACE THE FACTS

ACCEPT THE FEELINGS

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

LIVE YOUR FAITH

TRUST YOUR FUTURE TO GOD

are not a linear step by step procedure. They are not steps as much as “aspects” of dealing with the hurt of life. I needed to come back again and again to face the facts that I had Parkinson’s Disease and needed to decide to face the reality of the whole thing. . I still get afraid for the future and need to decide to trust my future to a loving personal God. My goal is to present, not a process, but perhaps a play book, to use a football analogy, giving options with which we can respond by faith. These five aspects are “faith options” . . . decisions to be made in times that are overwhelming and stressful.

When the unexpected strikes, there will be feelings that are so intense they threaten to cripple any attempts at responding with faith.

Sorrow and Loss

As I mentioned, I am not prone to over-emotionalism. Partly I was reacting to growing up in a church that at times was more than a little emotional and manipulative. Mostly, however, I was raised in New England and tend to be somewhat introverted by nature. I had rarely cried and do not remember ever having a good old fashioned sobbing “cry”.

I was preaching to the chairs in the sanctuary of the church where I was the pastor. This was part of my weekly sermon preparation and they were great chairs … attentive chairs … never criticized. Basically I would try to listen to the sermon and if I was too bored myself maybe make some changes.

All of a sudden it struck me that “it was all over”. I began to weep, as I never had before. I had been trying so hard to continue in ministry. Sunday morning I would preach in the 8:30 am service, sleep during Sunday School, then preach in the 11 am service. At times the youth pastor would take over in the second service while I napped for 8 minutes before preaching. Continuing on was not an option.

We had been in our church for 14 years, our kids had grown up there, the church was healthy, I was healthy … it was home. The call to pastoral ministry had never faded. Never once did I wake up on the infamous clergy “Monday morning” and thought … “I’m ready to quit”. But all that was over. . I would never be a pastor again. I would never preach again. I may have to leave my church family. So much of what I loved was gone. It was all over. For three hours I wept and wept … mourning the loss … crying out to God.

Don’t be afraid of tears, they are a gift from God. I needed to feel those feelings. The inner pain, stress, and struggle needed to come out. The tears were healing tears. There was a peace and acceptance that came with the tears. When life and circumstances seem to conspire against us we need to deal with the emotions that will inevitably be part of a response of faith.

Anger

Anger is an emotion that many Christians struggle with. Gimme that old time religion, the old song says … makes me love everybody. When blind-sided by tragedy, when a trust is betrayed, when people strike out in cruelty … it doesn’t make me feel like loving everybody. Christians at times feel like they are something less than spiritual when they experience anger and frustration.

I felt somewhat less than spiritual as I faced my nemesis of PD. I was puzzled and upset ... OK angry. Why would God allow a faithful pastor, wannabe athlete, humorous, very bright, and extremely humble to get Parkinson=s disease? It doesn’t make sense. It certainly wasn=t my idea. What possible good can come from an early retirement in the prime of my life? Just when I was able run circles around those old guys at the alumni basketball game.

I didn’t really understand what God was doing but didn’t really go too far down the “angry with God” road. Perhaps I believed in the benevolent nature of a personal God after all. Past observation made it clear to me that God didn’t rely on me to spell check his omnipotent, omniscient, infinite plans and workings. We will later deal with doubting and questioning of God. The target for my anger was more the disease than God … fate … luck or whatever. I projected a persona on my disease … the bad breathed salesman. Following a few journal entries:

April 24, 2003

The challenge comes when I go to sleep and wake up with the stiffness and discomfort of a disease that pushes it’s way into my life. The disease rudely butts into my schedule, like an annoying salesman with bad breath ... like that dysfunctional person you avoid but they show up in your bedroom at 4:30 AM. What do you do with a bothersome guest trespassing in your life? No matter how rude I am with this intruder ... Always there. See what happens? The challenges and hurt of life will break in and pollute your thoughts and take your soul.

April 26, 2003

It's five o'clock in the morning, and I can smell the bad breath. It's that salesman again. He's handing out free samples of achy stiffness. It seems to shake me up more each day.

May 12, 2003

I have hung up on the salesman, told him I'm not interested . . . that his mother wears army boots ... he just doesn't quit. I took the phone off the hook last night, but he pushed his way in again. Nothing real extreme, just enough to torment. Pins and needles, nagging pains, stiffness, just enough to take away my sleep. He is selling mind altering drugs tonight. I'm not buying, but somehow I can't say no to his offer of loneliness and fear. Loneliness seems to be a recurring theme. Getting rid of the salesman will take more than rudeness. I need to go to battle with the help of God, and all the resources he has provided.

May 28, 2003

Here he comes again. You know it’s halitosis Harry the salesman... his teeth are crooked... he dresses funny... his mother wears army boots... but he is persistent and he always seems to sell some of his merchandise. It’s almost like I can’t resist and the list seems to get longer each time he visits.

I was sick and tired of that salesman and all that he was selling. Things in life that we are unable to change … things that are unfair … painful … frustrating … can destroy our faith and pollute our lives with a self absorbed petulance that expresses itself in anger. Again, my purpose is not an in depth study of the nature, source, and response to anger but rather to emphasize the importance of accepting the feelings that are a natural human reality in times of crisis. Feelings are real. We need to deal with them.

The serenity prayer is about the best initial response in times of anger and frustration:



God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

The Courage to change the things I can;

And the Wisdom to know the difference.



Confusion

I have always tried (maybe even prided myself ?) in thinking well and planning ahead. The commitment to serving, leading and ministry was strengthened by a sense of knowing what I was doing and why I was doing it. Time spent seeking a personal vision from God, followed by thinking and planning as to how this vision could be implemented was perhaps my most important focus as a pastor. This vision was then modified/clarified in tandem with the local leadership with the goal of sharing a vision to implement together. A shared vision was foundational to any pastoral authority I might exercise.

As my disease progressed it became more and more difficult to think well enough or clearly enough to offer effective leadership to my church. The focus more and more was upon survival rather than mission. Disability and resignation/retirement reared it’s ugly head. As if the inability to think clearly wasn’t bad enough; I was required to provide documentation to receive official certification of my dim witted-ness from Social Security.

As I look back over some of the documents, there is my wife Brenda required to bear witness to … “an increased insecurity in Ken’s ministry and confidence in interfacing with people … he has cut down his work schedule, trying to work productively for 1-2 hours a day … in his productive time he is not able to field three questions asked in a row … the physical symptoms are a factor in Ken’s inability to work but the most distressing are those that affect his mind, and his ability to do simple tasks that were once so easily accomplished.”

It is still very difficult to accept the cognitive limitations. Another journal entry:

October 23, 2004

I've seen God use lots of nut cases in amazing ways. I am praying that if my brains are scrambled, that Jesus would shine through anyway. People have loved us so much. I don't want to disappoint them. But it is tearing me apart to try to lead and be unable to do so. Perhaps it is time for all of us to release what is to God's care. I am not ready to be different than I am.

A great quote from devotional writer Bertha Munro; in Christ we can face life … “not somehow but triumphantly”. I do believe that but along with the yin of spiritual triumph I have known the yan of getting through … not triumphantly but somehow.

Loneliness

I really am a nice guy. I like people. I enjoy fellowship. But I enjoy the alone times as well. There has been the occasional attack of home sickness … in seminary in Kansas City, dying to turn onto I-70 homeward bound to the east instead of west … following a car with a Massachusetts license plate in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan Canada to a bar where a traveling rock band was playing. But for the mostly I have been OK with alone time.

Loneliness was a new experience for me. Loneliness will necessarily be a part of any crisis situation. In a certain sense there are aspects of sorrow, abuse, fear, anguish that will be faced alone with God. Journal entry:

November 3, 2004

I have been more loved and cared for than ever before ... And more lonely than ever before. God is so good, because of his love and grace he is there in the lonely times. I look into the eyes of those I love and I can see how much they want to enter into the lonely room with me but there's only room for one. We sent our kids off to kindergarten with tears and they got on the bus alone. I’m not sure I want to stay on this bus.

I am alone. What is it about being alone. There is some kind of insecurity thing happening here. To remember at Camp Idlewild, a beautiful island on a New Hampshire lake. It might have been my first year camp. I cried myself to sleep. My dad was Chaplain, he was close by. My big brother, the protector no one messed with, was there to teach me the ropes. I knew I was okay. But everything around was unfamiliar and I was lonely for the security of familiar surroundings.

Many things around me now are unfamiliar. I don=t move the same, feel the same, or speak the same. My mind strays away from the familiar pattern of logical analysis and intentional response. Brenda and I have a marriage with which we are unfamiliar. We are not used to the dependency that is now part of my life on the feeling level. It boggles my mind to face an unfamiliar role in my church. I am alone, surrounded by the unfamiliar.

It’s important to understand that in our time of crisis people will not really “get” what we are going through. Whatever the situation:

… Overwhelmed, sleepless, fearful, exhausted with a new born infant … the laughing response; this is the easy part wait until they are teenagers

… Ripped apart having to accept disability … what in the world do you do with all your time?

… Betrayed by a spouse … don’t worry time heals.

… My mind is so confused sometimes … I am exactly the same way

These responses to your crisis are loving, caring, and thoughtless. People really do care but they don’t know what to say. Often people will say nothing when faced with the crisis of another. They just don’t know what to say. Much of our personal pain and trauma is faced alone. Decide ahead of time to be kind with people who don’t “get” it. For the most part they mean no harm. Henri Nouwen speaks of this lonliness:

(feel/count) Much of our isolation is self-chosen. We do not like to be dependant on others and, whenever possible, we try to show ourselves that we are in control of the situation and can make our own decisions. This self-reliance has many attractions. It gives us a sense of power, it allows us to move quickly, it offers us the satisfaction of being our own boss, and it promises many rewards and prizes. However, the underside of self-reliance is loneliness, isolation, and the constant fear of not making it in life. (Here and Now, 42) Pg. 95

Inadequacy (may expand this)

January 12, 2003

I am used to having $100 of time, energy, and insight. But I have about a $1.39. It all belongs to God, but sometimes I feel like I am out in the wilderness rationing a c cup of water to get through the day.

I may not have as much to spend these days, but God=s grace brings peace, comfort, and wisdom. I am thankful for all those God has sent to be alongside me. So that maybe, together we will be investing $1000 a day into the Kingdom. Even my hundred dollars a day would go as far as $1000. Lord would you take my dollar 39 and turn it into couple thousand dollars today?

Depression

My regular neurologist appointment was scheduled every three months in Manhattan. My neurologist kept telling me, he thought I was depressed. To be totally honest, he didn’t think I was depressed, he said that I was depressed. For several months my response was, “No I’m not”. He didn’t understand that my understated and boring demeanor was all part of the mix of characteristics of my unique and special persona. It was one of the endearing qualities that makes me … me. I tend toward deadpan humor … boring has served me well. If I did feel down I could always read the Psalms, pray, go catch a fish, or eat a hot fudge sundae. I knew how to handle the low times.

For several appointments we did the “are to” … “am not” … “are to” … “am not” routine after which he prescribed a pill. I did not like taking another pill, especially for depression. There just seems to be something self focused, self serving, and weak about feeling mopey, which is a clinical term even if my spell check doesn’t recognize it. I didn’t know which was worse, being depressed or having to take a pill for depression. The whole thing was depressing! Looking back at my journal entries it is clear struggle with depression is an ongoing process:

May 25, 2002

It=s three o=clock in the morning again. The depression pills are working well because I=m pretty depressed. It looks like the second evil purple pill complicates my sleeping patterns with its contribution of insomnia. However, my body got used to the first pill so it will get used to the toxicity of the second pill as well. Hopefully the others 18 pills will cooperate in helping me and toward one of the more basic goals... survival.

The fact remains that 33 to 35 million struggle with depression in the U.S. The World Health Organization estimates that over 121 million suffer from depressive symptoms worldwide. To a certain degree (in certain ways … in one way), feelings of depression are a natural response to injury, hurt and pain …remember the “bad news feels bad” principle? Depression.com (why do I find Depression.com amusing?) lists causes of depression as: genetics, trauma, negativity, physical disease and mental illness. Repressed anger as well is often an underlying origin of clinical depression. More than we'd like to admit, anger and depression are often related. Dr. Paul Meier of Meier Clinics once reported that approximately 15,000 Americans come in one week to the Minirth Meier Clinics for insight-oriented therapy. Of all the depression cases, he finds that 95% are depressed due to repressed anger toward an abuser or toward oneself. We will look at the art/struggle of anger/forgiveness in the Live Your Faith chapter.



There are practical life style responses to depression including:

Exercise. Regular exercise provides natural, mood lifting chemical changes in your body. You don’t have to train for a marathon; even a short walk every day will help.

Nutrition. Eating a regular, balanced diet is important for both your physical and mental health.

Sleep. Poor sleep has a strong effect on mood. Make getting the right amount of sleep for you a priority. I also swallowed my pride and take a sleeping pill.

Social Support. Strong social networks reduce isolation, a key risk factor for depression. Keep in regular contact with friends and family, or consider joining a class or group. Volunteering is a wonderful way to get social support and help others while also helping yourself.

Stress Reduction. Make changes in your life to help manage and reduce stress. Too much stress exacerbates depression and puts you at risk for future depression.

Medication. Don’t feel guilty about medication. Half of all Parkinson’s patients deal with depression. Regardless of the root causes of depression there are actual brain changes including the reduction of serotonin and dopamine. If medication is a help, thank God and take your meds.

Again my purpose is not a clinical study of stress, trauma, depression etc. But rather to emphasize that when life shakes us up, feelings happen. These feelings need to be recognized, addressed, and accepted as an unavoidable and maybe even indispensible part of struggling with troubling turbulent real life experiences.

Doubt

Doubt is the feeling … faith is the choice

“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed”, Jesus says, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 Why is that less than encouraging to most of us? How many reading this book have tossed mountains around? What’s more, mountain tossing doesn’t even take very much faith … only as much as an itty bitty seed. Does that make you feel like a spiritual pygmy? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .)

And to top it all off, we aren’t even allowed to doubt. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him”. Mark 11:23 NIV.





And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith. Matthew 13:58 NIV

"Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road. Mark 10:52

We want to have faith … we want to believe … but the doubt just won’t go away. How can a God of love allow such pain, struggle, and tragedy? I certainly don’t feel God. I don’t understand.



Perhaps it is worth taking a quick look at God’s response to doubters. Job was the perfect man. He was stricken with unspeakable pain and tragedy. He had more than a few doubts as he challenged God saying basically, what in the world are you doing. God’s first response was patience. He listened to Job’s complaint. The almighty infinite God, sitting down with a rancher (if you will excuse the anthropomorphism) to listen to what he had to say.

There were some things that Job just didn’t get … so God responded with a litany questions for Job, the first of which is Job 38:4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Job 38:4-6 Job response? 42:3 … Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. Job was reminded that God is God and there and there are some things too awesome and wonderful for him to fully understand. The fact remains that doubt will happen. There will be aspects of our suffering that we will not fully understand.

The first things we did upon receiving the diagnosis of Parkinson’s was to pray for divine healing. As Christians, we believe in divine healing. The instruction in James is for those who are sick to … call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. James 5:14 I have been blessed beyond measure by those who have prayed for my healing. It is one of the many blessings I would not have known if the “bad breathed salesman” had not knocked on my door.

It was perhaps the most humbling, praiseful, thankful day of my Christian life. Several of my fellow pastors in the Metro New York City had come together; gathering their leaders to pray for my healing. They traveled 45 minutes up to an hour and a half to my suburban church north of the New York City in the beautiful Hudson valley. I was overwhelmed as 75+ made their way on a Sunday afternoon to join the people in my local church family to pray for healing. I was basically blown away by all the love and care and attention.

We assembled in the sanctuary and began to pray … and there was faith in that room! For an hour and a half the prayers of faith were offered to a loving personal God. The diversity was a joy to behold as Asian, Hispanic, Caribbean, and Caucasian brothers and sisters prayed and praised together. There was a fair amount of bad “name it … claim it” type theology bandied about that day. But there was no lack of faith. There were 150 in one room agreeing together.

I was not healed. What‘s with that? We had met the “requirements”. There certainly must have been at least a mustard seed’s worth of faith among such an earnest group. There had to be at least a few men or women righteous enough to qualify as that righteous one whose prayer … “availeth much”. KJV In my struggles with the “whys” of my particular condition; there are three spiritual realities that have helped me.

The first reality… God is God. It takes little faith to believe that God is. Even those who claim no particular faith recognize there is an “otherness”. There is some kind of order that is somehow at the core of existence. Through our senses we observe a few miraculous stunning mind boggling events in our lives and in our universe. Even the observations of the infinitesimal speck of creation/eternity within our awareness leads us to know that God is. There is something out there … meaning above us … over us … all transcendent

Intuitively our souls reach out for that something more. September 11, 2002 was an unforgettable day of mayhem and tragedy. Living close to New York City brought the reality literally just next door. All around the world, the images flashed with the immediate instinctive response … Oh God!!! We are created in the image of God with a natural inclination toward Him.

God is God … which means we don’t have to do the job. The position is filled. There are no layoffs in sight. As Christians our faith is built upon Jesus as the perfect revelation of the creator God. “if you have seen me you have seen the Father, Jesus said. I’m not quite sure how heretical it is … but somehow I think that Jesus might have left out a few things. He skipped the quantum physics classes to fully explain creation. Just exactly how did God sit down at His work bench and come up with my granddaughter’s amazing blue eyes. Did God really keep count when he scattered the stars that bear testimony to my place in the universe?

God is God … that helps me … He is in charge … deal with it.

The second reality … God is love. Here is where faith comes in. Jesus understood the incapacity of humanity to comprehend the totality of the infinity of God. Jesus came not to reveal all the mysteries of God but rather to reveal His character. In this He held nothing back. Jesus came, giving His life away. He came to love his creation, literally, to death. God, in Christ, comes all the way down to share the joy, fear, frustration of humanity. He understands the lostness of alienation from the Father. God reaches out to us.

Faith is not the ability to know everything but rather it is establishing those things which are solid, upon which a life is built. In times of doubt the response of faith is to re-confirm the reality that; God loved the world so much that He sent Jesus, His one and only son. He reminds us and brings an inner confirmation of the loving nature of God. God is love. God is for us.

Thirdly … God is at work. How often do we hear the mantra, “God is in control”? The fact remains that God is not always in control of every occasion and situation in our world. The Holocaust was not the expression of God’s divine plan. Each individual can decide to rebel over God’s control. The foundational principle is not as much God is in control as much as “God is at work”.

Romans 8:28, is a scripture verse that can be glibly quoted in a “don’t worry God is in charge” kind of way”. I don’t want to hear that God is the Willy Wonka man upstairs, doling out personal miseries upon His creation. I kind of want the man upstairs jolly Santa-like, let me tell you a story kind of God.

Again, I don’t understand all about the meaning and purpose of pain and suffering but I do know that we all get it. At this point my faith in God through Christ is that his character is love and that he is at work for our benefit. When I am weak, God is at work bringing inner strength. When I am fearful, God is at work brings comfort.

These three principles … God is … God is love … God is at work … these are the three interlocking foundation stones of faith. God is God … a foundation stone established by reason, observation, and revelation. God is love … is a leap of faith that Jesus Christ, is the son of God and that he does indeed reveal to us the character of God. God is at work … is a foundation stone established by the revelation of scripture, history, and personal experience. Jesus Christ, the son of God is the center and cap stone supported by the other two tenets of faith.





We will re-visit some of these issues in chapter four, Live Your Faith. The principle is that in order to live out faith we must have a foundation that is not easily shaken., they Although feelings of doubt are part of our humanity they are not the basis upon which we make decisions for life.

We will never know all things

but we must establish those things upon which we base our decisions and actions of life.

Not one of us is exempt from the storm clouds of life. The good news is that we can live out a practical, and yes, even victorious life, as we make faith decisions. By faith, with the help of God, in relationship with him … Face the Facts then Accept the Feelings … of fear, and doubt, anger and frustration knowing that a loving creator God is at work in our behalf.

It is vital that we grow up and face reality and accept that things are not always good, fair, or pleasant. But there is more than just a negative resolve to tough it out. Along the way we need to count our blessings.