I now have a blog sight. My son Jonathan set me up so I can share some of the profound, perplexing, interesting, humorous, sobering aspects of ministry in the Christian church. Seems like everyone thinks people are dying to hear what they have to say ... we shall see.

My first entry is a sermon, article, personal account of God's working in my life in dealing with a diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease 9 years ago ... "When Life Shakes You Up" It's longer than future posts ... it's a start.

When Life Shakes You Up

I was a student-athlete in college. Warming the bench is an important role on any team ... even the JV team of a small Christian College needed a few spare bodies giving some semblance of a team. My good friend Dan and I ... sitting on the end of the bench... backslapping... opponent mocking... anything for the team. It was not particularly glamorous but was a legitimate alternative to serious study and I think free socks were part of the deal.

I always considered myself at least a semi-athlete, which means I could normally keep up with the over weight slow guys in the gym. Playing sports well into my forties... I planned to be running with the kids when I was 60. Suddenly the large slow people seemed much quicker. Seeing 50 lbs. of overweight former athlete roll on by was more than a bit disconcerting.

There were other changes. As the pastor of a busy church, I found my stamina severely affected. My planning and organization seemed to be less and less effective. Routine tasks took twice as long. My handwriting was getting worse and worse. Knowing that a sloppy signature indicated an advanced level of education, I was pleased that could pass as well educated by signature alone. Friends and family started to nag... why are you limping... why don't you swing your arm when you walk... is your arm hurt? Why are you shuffling your feet.

One day I went to pick up a dish and was unable to do so. The previous Sunday I had fallen at church bruising myself badly. It looked like something needed attention. I went to the doctor who ordered an MRI. They took all kinds of pictures of my brain... perfectly normal they said... it was good to have confirmation... my kids have never been too sure. The next step was a visit to the neurologist who went through the basic neurological movement type diagnostics and informed me matter-of-factly that I had early Parkinson's disease. Quickly analyzing the situation... it struck me that early Parkinson's disease is a lot like... just like... real Parkinson's disease. All kinds of words came to my mind... debilitating... devastating... discouraging... and probably some more d words I can't think of even though I had been producing 3 point sermons alliterated with d for 25 years. He gave me a prescription and said to come back in a few months.

What does a neurologist in Poughkeepsie New York know after all. I am one hour away from one of the top movement disorder centers in the world... Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in Manhattan. We set an appointment and believe it or not they did the same diagnostics and came to the same to its conclusion except they didn’t call it early Parkinson's... they called it Parkinson's disease.

Parkinson's is a disease of the brain. A definitive cause has not been identified although evidence points toward a combination of genetic pre-disposition and exposure to some environmental toxin. Whatever the cause, the brain cells which produce dopamine begin to die off. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter which enables the messages to travel from the brain to the various parts of the body. By the time a Parkinson's patient shows any symptoms 80% of these dopamine producing cells have died off. From that point on the disease gets worse and there is no cure.

The most common symptom is tremor... usually starting at one side... often in the hand and then progressing to the rest of the body. 15 to 20% of Parkinson's patients never get tremor. Other symptoms of Parkinson's disease are stiffness, slowness of movement, confusion, memory loss, instability leading to falls, aches & pains, and difficulty writing. Any function of the body can be affected. Breathing, swallowing, digesting, bladder control ... all can be affected or slowed down by Parkinsin=s Disease aka PD.

Driving home from the neurologist, I was shaking my head. These are the kinds of things that happen to other people. Over the years I've preached that instead of saying why me when the trials come... the question is why not me? We live in a fallen world. Disease is not God's plan. Even as followers of God the sins of our fathers for generation after generation have a devastating effect.

I had a plan for my retirement years. I was going to work real hard so I could retire at 65, settle in to a church with a small stipend and I would spend my time doing all the things I loved to do as a pastor. The tough assignments would fall to the young senior pastor. Some days, I couldn=t wait. That was my plan. Suddenly the horizon had changed. Kids in college, no house to Iive in, no job, uncertainty. The plan had changed.

What do you do in life shakes you up? How do you live when the plan changes? There are all kinds of coping mechanisms … denial. gallows humor. busyness. blame. anger. bitterness. What do you do when life shakes you up? Facing an incurable diagnosis, losing a promotion, hurting emotions, despairing of hope... there are some principles to live by.

Face the Facts

Christians have been accused of hiding their heads in the sand. In no way is Christian faith some sort of spiritualized denial mechanism. Any denial of the difficult realities of life is a denial of the adequacy of Christ in whom we place our faith. Jesus is the cornerstone of our faith. He did not come to live among us to escape real-life but to get all wrapped up in realities of a world full of sin, oppression, and injustice... seeking to save those who are lost.

When you lose your job... face the facts. When stricken with illness don't act as though it doesn't exist. When you fail... Afess@ up... face the music... suffer the embarrassment. When you sin, don't pretend it's a mistake, confess the sin. There's no way to deal with the things that shake your life until you look them straight in the eye. (pink slips, diagnoses, rejection, and other trials certainly must have eyes ... They find us so readily)

Faith in God does not change the circumstances. Faith in God does not make us fearless. Faith in God does not make us perfect. Faith gives additional strength... from God. Faith gives a game plan... the guidance from God. Faith gives support ... in the family of God. Faith gives hope... in eternal life. So it is because of Faith we can face life head on.

Face the facts. Don't try to defend God. Don't make up some high sounding explanation why God took the life of a young child. Be real. The world needs to see real people with broken hearts with a faith that is real. Anything the world offers for the broken hearted will pale in comparison to a heart, just as broken, filled with faith love and hope.

Accept the Feelings

The way of Christ is a way of great joy. There is within Christian circles, however, a combination of misconception and misrepresentation that produces a false appearance of joy. The misconception is that Christians never stop smiling. This distortion of reality is reinforced ... by the smiling Christians on television, the pastor who is always up every Sunday. (You should see the same pastor on Monday morning) and by the false application of scripture. So often Christians carry an unrealistic burden that goes far beyond trust and obey but rather leads to a facade that refuses to let anyone see their broken hearts. When there is death don=t deny the sorrow. When there's injustice don't pretend there is no anger. When you are weak don't pretend you are not discouraged. Be a real person.

The misrepresentation happens every Sunday morning. Broken hearts all camouflaged by “Sunday go to meeting clothes” and a hearty handshake. Christians are too busy to be real. Do we allow Christians in our fellowship to be sad? Do we allow them to go through times of fear without judging their spirituality?

I felt somewhat less than spiritual as I faced my nemesis of PD. I was puzzled and upset ... OK angry. Why would God allow a faithful pastor, wannabe athlete, humorous, very bright, and extremely humble to get Parkinson=s disease? It doesn’t make sense. It certainly wasn=t my idea. What possible good can come from an early retirement in the prime of my life. Just when I can run circles around those old guys up at the alumni basketball game.

Accept the feelings. Feel the feelings. God gave you feelings to help identify areas of need in your life. If you Afeel@ tired, you need rest. If you Afeel@ sorrow, you need to mourn. If you Afeel@ lonely, you need a friend. Feelings will either heal or destroy. Feelings denied, repressed, or ignored have a devastating effect on your relationship with God, relationship with others, interpersonal integrity and serenity. Don=t pretend. Pretending isolates the real you from those who can help and care for you. Maintaining a facade takes great resources that are needed for facing life head on.

Don=t be afraid of tears, they as well are God=s gift. Jesus wept, his heart was broken. I had never really wept, until I faced the facts and began to feel some feelings. I would never be a pastor again. I would never preach again. I may have to leave my church family. So much of what I loved was gone. It was all over and I wept for 3 hours. God was there and I faced the reality with him. He has been there every step before and after that time of sorrow.

Count Your Blessings

How easy it is to be so focused on the trial that we lose sight of the blessings. A quarter, when held close to one eye will block off sight totally. When life shakes you up, it is easy to focus on the trial alone. The truth is, there is much more to reality than the present problem. The blessings are just as real.

Counting blessings is not denial; it is recognizing Aon purpose@ the good in the midst of the tragedy. How many blessings are yours in Christ? God does not change. The psalmist says I will look unto the hills (as majestic as they are) but my help does not come from the hillsides. My help comes from the Lord who is more trust worthy than the majestic Rocky Mountains.

The promises of God in scripture are a daily blessing. God=s promise in 2^nd Peter that he will give you Aall you need@ for life and godliness. God=s strength is shown clearly in time of greatest weakness. The time of trial is an amazing opportunity to received God=s grace. In the struggles and pain of an incurable disease, I have received more grace and love through God=s people than I ever imagined.

Don=t escape from the reality of life=s blessings. They are a gift from God. The blessings and grace will keep you strong and encouraged when struggles come your way.

Live Your Faith

Years ago Reuben Welch wrote a book entitled, When You Run Out of Fantastic ... Persevere. Life is not always fantastic but we need never quit. Robert Schuller speaks of two principles of success 1. Get started 2. Don=t quit. When many disciples were leaving Jesus, Peter decided to stay ... Why? ... Where else would we go? You (Jesus) have the words of eternal life. The tempter will especially use your time of weakness to draw you away from the foundation of Christ. In your deepest pain ... keep worshiping God, keep close to his people, allow his word to hold you up. Your faith in Christ is just as real in the valleys of life as it is on the mountain top.

We were stricken with grief at the passing of my mother 20 years ago. As we made our way through the airport terminal to pick up a family member, my Dad stopped and helped a man who was confused with directions. “Can I help?” he asked. In his time of overwhelming grief, he helped a confused traveler find his way. The practical caring of a broken hearted Jesus person is a powerful testimony to the working of God=s grace in the worst of times. Decide now how you will live when (not if) the times of trouble come your way. Decide to walk with a personal God when your feelings are low, your body is in pain, and you feel alone. Don=t abandon your faith ... Live your faith

Trust Your Future to God

Why so downcast old my soul... put your hope in God. We sing this song with great enthusiasm. We celebrate our hope in God through praise and worship. We are in a positive up frame of mind as we celebrate. We are together ... clapping our hands. There is a really cool drum part when we sing this song.

The direction of scripture to Aput your hope in God@ is even more important when you don=t feel like praising. Trusting in the loving kindness of our eternal God is even more vital, when you feel alone, when you face your greatest failure. There are many questions that remain unanswered as you look into the future. If you live in fear of the uncertain future, you will be paralyzed and live in despair. The answer is to trust God rather than your own resources. His resources, help, and grace never run out.

A quote from No Man is an Island clarifies the choice to be made. “If, instead of trusting in God, I trust only in my own intelligence, my own strength, and my own prudence, the means that God has given to me to find my way to him will all fail me. To place your trust in visible things is to live in despair. We can either love God because we hope for something from him, or we can hope in him knowing that he loves us”.

There are some things we can know for sure. God=s love is a foundation stone upon which we can step with confidence. God=s promise from Jeremiah reminds us AI know the plans I have for you, plans to help you not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.

Everyone is shaken by life sooner or later. Decide now to face the facts (you will be shaken by life) accept the feelings, (pain and sorrow are real), count your blessings (they are always there), live your faith (God never changes), trust your future to God (he is trust worthy).